Is This Joy, or Dread?
I want to start this newsletter with a reminder, something I repeat to myself like a mantra when I feel uncomfortable setting boundaries. As the holidays approach, they can get lost in the general confusion.
You have the choice to detach. When relationships become too overwhelming, remember that you can detach. Your survival doesn’t depend on others as it once did when you were a little girl. Today, you are able to take care of yourself. Detaching from what hurts you and is potentially damaging your mental health is the best self-care practice.
December—a month of joy, excitement, and anticipation. When we envision this final month of the year, colours, lights, and a plethora of flavours come to mind. As expats, we seek the old, familiar tastes we grew up with during this season, attempting to replicate them with similar ingredients. More often than not, we abandon our quest after a couple of tries. On the flip side, we're exposed to new flavours, some of which become uniquely ours, almost rivalling those from our childhood. Our taste preferences narrate endless stories about who we are, our cultural heritage, and our ability to add new layers to our identity by embracing new traditions.
Beneath the surface of apparent joy and polished appearances, we discover an essence less bubbly and more tiresome—physically and emotionally. Masses, crowds, haste, constant sensory stimulation, expenditures, flight delays, calls, last-minute Christmas meetings with friends and colleagues, smiling, smiling, smiling.
Yet, this isn't even the most challenging part. For many, it's the anticipation—not of laughter and hugs, but of dreaded family encounters. Many feel out of place with their own families, requiring significant effort to maintain peace and decorum. Families are complex, messy, yet predictable in their dysfunctional dynamics. And, in most cases, it's not even personal—it's generational. Some patterns stem from extended suffering and old traumas, reaching back to our ancestors. Understanding this can offer relief for those feeling pressured to conform to uncomfortable family norms, and an opportunity to empathize with deeply wounded family members unconsciously perpetuating the suffering.
With love,
Natasha Nedelkovska, Founder and Creative Director