Where We Place Trust
April's Letter
In April, we explore how our sense of control shapes our lives and influences our decisions and well-being.
Dear friends, I have a small favour to ask. There's a short survey—just under two minutes—that will help me understand what’s truly useful to you and guide future content and initiatives. Thank you!
There’s a small phrase that often lingers in the background of our decisions, fears, and hopes: “Will this make a difference?” Whether whispered in doubt or asked with quiet conviction, it reveals a deeper belief about how much agency we truly have in shaping our lives. This is where the concept of locus of control gently enters the room.
Originally introduced by Julian Rotter in the 1960s, locus of control is a psychological construct that describes how individuals explain the causes of what happens to them. Do outcomes depend on personal effort and choices (an internal locus), or are they shaped by external forces like fate, luck, or the decisions of others (an external locus)? It’s not a rigid trait but a tendency—one that influences how we make sense of setbacks, pursue goals, and respond to uncertainty.
Needless to say, I find the topic deeply relevant—especially because the promise of control, particularly internal control, is often marketed today as a personal virtue. The wellness industry, in particular, leans indiscriminately on this narrative, suggesting that we alone are responsible for our outcomes. This mindset, though seductive, risks erasing the nuanced interplay between individual effort and systemic conditions. And yet, our need to feel a sense of control over our environment isn’t a lifestyle choice. It’s a condition for survival.
In transitional moments—like stepping into a new phase of life, moving, motherhood, or beginning a new job—our beliefs about control often surface more clearly. Do we believe our effort will matter? Or do we quietly brace for disappointment? Starting a new academic path in midlife has brought those questions back to the forefront for me. The old scripts reappear: Will I manage the workload? Will it lead somewhere meaningful? Am I too late to change direction? And underneath them all, the more essential question: Where do I place trust?
The positive psychology perspective
Psychological research suggests that a strong internal locus of control is associated with greater motivation, resilience, and well-being. When we believe our actions make a difference, we’re more likely to try, to persist, to grow. But it’s not without complications. This orientation can also make us overly self-reliant, hesitant to ask for help, or quick to blame ourselves when things go wrong. On the other hand, leaning too far into an external locus may protect us from overwhelming responsibility but risks leaving us disempowered, passive, or stuck in a loop of doubt.
This dynamic isn’t just abstract—it plays out in daily life. For example, in the workplace, people with a strong internal locus tend to feel more engaged and purposeful but may struggle in rigid or predictable systems. Emotionally, they’re more likely to use active coping strategies, while those with an external orientation may feel more at the mercy of their circumstances, especially in times of stress or instability.
Internal, external or just human
But the truth is, no single perspective is inherently better. The self isn't a fortress; it’s a porous, responsive form. It responds, adapts, absorbs, and releases. Maturity, perhaps, lies in learning how to move between positions—recognizing when action is needed and when acceptance is wiser. As Marion Milner wrote in A Life of One’s Own, the freedom we long for is not always found in choosing whatever we like, but in becoming aware of what we are choosing, and why.
What struck me most while reading and reflecting on this concept is how fluid this locus can be. When I feel resourced, supported, and safe, I step forward with confidence. I speak up, try things, take risks. But when stress creeps in, when the world feels indifferent or too vast, I pull back. I stop believing my efforts can make a difference. And from that place, it's easy to spiral into inertia.
But simply noticing this shift is powerful. Because awareness itself is a form of agency.
This month at Eirene Cafe, we are making space for that awareness. The gatherings return, the journaling continues, and the questions will unfold softly. Because in times of transition, we don’t need more control—we need more presence.
The process of living—after all—is not a matter of control, but of conscious participation.
That, in itself, is no small difference.
Related Letters
I touched on the theme of willpower as a means of control last June, across three letters. It was an uneducated reflection—somewhat erratic—a first attempt to understand the blending of person and environment.
April’s Query
If you are in the mood for some self-discovery time and inspiring exchange, head to this month’s thought provoking questions. You can keep the answers for your introspective self or share them with others looking for solace in relating.
On Control, Trust, and Letting Go
April’s Gathering
If you’re in the mood for good company and a journaling practice from the comfort of your armchair, join us for this month’s Clarity Pages:
Wednesday, April 16
9.30 - 11.00 CET
Online
How to join?
Paid subscription. If you value the intention behind Eirene Café and find it nourishing for your well-being, consider supporting it with a paid subscription. This grants you access to the Clarity Pages, and you’ll receive the meeting link the day before the gathering.
Payment per gathering. If a one-time payment suits you better right now, you can choose to pay per gathering. Your subscription to Eirene Café will remain free, and you’ll still receive the meeting link the day before the gathering.
NOTE: If paying isn’t possible right now and you’d benefit from the monthly gatherings, email me at eirene.cafe@gmail.com, and I’ll send the meeting link the day before the gathering —no questions asked.